It started with this article, which described an initiative to sell houses in the Sardinian town of Ollolai for 1 Euro:

https://www.curbed.com/2018/1/31/16954322/ollolai-sardinia-1-euro-homes

…which led me to this website, with information in Italian about the sale:

https://casea1euro.it/ollolai-informazioni/

…which led me to realize that a. between my advanced French and rudimentary Spanish, I can decipher quite a bit of Italian, and that b. there are similar initiatives for other Italian towns, including one in Tuscany:

https://casea1euro.it/case-a-1-euro-a-montieri/

…which led me to realize that my destiny is to buy a 1 Euro house in breathtakingly stunning Montieri, spend $25,000 renovating it, and let the rest of my life fall into place around this one pivotal act.

https://www.google.com/search?q=montieri&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjzrNiMq4jZAhWGuVkKHSQ5CpsQ_AUICygC&biw=1170&bih=551

…which led me to second-guess my ability to learn Italian and wonder whether there might not be a similar scheme in France, which led me to discover that yes, there is, but of course it’s in the dreary North:

https://www.thelocal.fr/20171006/your-chance-to-buy-a-house-in-france-for-a-euro-but-theres-a-catch

…which led me to google “cheap property South of France” and find this charming “fixer-upper:”

http://www.forgottenfrance.com/french-properties-for-sale-in-south-west-france/under-100-000/najac-renovation-project-a-centuries-old-stone-house-with-enclosed-character-courtyard-/

…which led me here:

https://www.prestigeproperty.co.uk/castles-for-sale-138/

From 1 Euro homes to 31 million Euro (price reduced!) French chateaux in under ten minutes.