This is what it all comes down to, as I sit here too on-edge to go to sleep and too tired to force myself to. My rent is nearly doubling and I need to move within a couple of months, which puts a huge dent in my plans to save all my money and get the hell out of this city. Since I found out a few weeks ago, I’ve been really good about looking into all my options and staying on top of the apartment search, but the search itself is so anxiety-provoking that the more I do, the more stressed I become.
I suppose this could be part of the reason why it’s so hard to keep up with my language learning. Bigger fish to fry at the moment. The only thing to do is just breathe deep and carry on. The chips will eventually fall where they may, and life will go back to normal.
Encore, en français:
On y va!
Beautiful poster design by The Half and Half. A limited edition of 50 prints will be on sale from June 2 to 30. So, should the spirit move you, you can jump off the art collector cliff and figure out how you will pay for it on the way down.
Brené Brown is the only person whose self-help Kool-Aid I drink. She strikes me as vastly different from self-styled how-to-live-your-life-with-purpose gurus – more wise, more authentic, more inspiring and more useful. I love her so much that even when she joined the cult of Oprah, I chose to look the other way. As long as she keeps speaking the truth about vulnerability, shame, empathy, courage and what she calls ‘wholeheartedness,’ she can worship Oprah all she wants.
Because 34 is the new 14.
This photo, by the way, is from my first glimpse of South America along the Chilean coast. It would have been a more profound moment had I not flown through Toronto and been delirious with exhaustion. In retrospect I peg it as the kick-off to my new era of crazy dreaming and scheming. At the time I just stared and stared and thought, I will process this after I sleep.
I happened upon this quote the day after I bought my ticket to Argentina. The timing could not have been more perfect. I had gotten slightly dizzy and felt something close to panic immediately after clicking the purchase confirmation button. I had just committed to embark upon my first truly solo trip out of the country, to a place where I didn’t know the language or a single soul. I had no idea where I would be staying or what I would be doing. I had no tie to the culture, no connection to the country, no knowledge of its history. It was terrifying, even though it was also something I really, really wanted to do.
Rilke’s words assured me in the most beautiful way that fear is just the flip side of exhilaration, and it may even be something to relish and embrace instead of running away from. That’s exactly what happened with Argentina. I leaned into the fear, it quickly dissipated, and my trip turned out to be one of the most enlivening experiences I’ve ever had. I’ve come back to this quote whenever I need a reminder of that important life lesson. Including now, when I’m afraid I’m wasting my time attempting the impossible with this later-life-language-learning thing.
(Photo: Wordjoy on Etsy)